Wednesday Valuables: My oldest friend

I suppose it could make me feel old, but at this moment it makes me feel more proud than anything. I have one friend with whom I've been close for almost 16 years. We met in a Parks and Recreations acting troupe and fell into what people disgustingly refer to as "puppy love" by our parents and teachers. His audition piece to get into the troupe was a recitation of The Jabberwock... I mean, c'mon... sweet golden curls over sharp blue eyes... It was impossible not to want to turn my preteen thoughts to love.

However, we were awfully young and I was in the midst of dealing aggressively with my issues with my father. Things fell apart and I drifted from crush to crush... if we hadn't ended up in the same high school, our current friendship quite possibly would not exist.

It's similar to what happened between my mother and I when I was 12 or 13... I made the decision that we would be friends and stopped rebelling against her specifically. In our case, Tristan is the one who called a truce. He wrote me a letter... I probably have it in his tin somewhere around here.

Most of my closer, long term friends, have a tin that I select in which to keep their letters, post cards, notes, etc. I have one for my pen pal, naturally, Jo, Anya, and David, though I'm in need of a few more... at least one for Beth who sends me thoughtful notes now and again... Tristan's isn't as heavy as it used to be due to a stupid phase of my adolescence during which I disposed of many letters I wish I hadn't as well as our getting older and finding less time to write. I still have some relics from the early 2000s and the late 90s... like this little cartoon he drew for me to cheer me up, I think, after an impressively nasty break-up:

Aside from being able to make me laugh, we're the kind of friends who can go several months without speaking and then pick up right where we left off when we see each other again... the kind of friends who, if you don't close the coffeehouse down or remind us, we'll talk for hours and hours. When I look at the many types of friends we all have... the one you talk to everyday, the one you can call at any hour of the night, the one with whom you can goof off without shame, and obviously the one who is most trusted with your details... Tristan can easily be any one of these sorts of friends. Our long-term history and openness makes for a relationship that could evolve and stay the same simultaneously.

I'm reminded of a book my mother gave me as a child... it was called Orlando's Little While Friends by Audrey Wood (who is absolutely one of my favorite children's picture book authors of all time). The book takes the reader through what's basically a family vacation on which little Orlando meets several kids at parks, monuments, etc. However, he has to leave all these people behind, so, he records his good memories of those friends in his scrapbook to share with his long-term friends back home.

It's a little different when you get older... and perhaps nowadays kids are exchanging MySpace pages or Facebook profiles so that this point is moot. But, there are some friends that we eventually weed out. This is not to be cruel... it's not a episode from one of those vapid dating shows where one twerp picks from three other morons. I think some relationships simply run their course. I had one or two in particular who simply chose a path and lifestyle I didn't have the energy to follow. That could perhaps indicate that it wasn't a real friendship, but I knew it was genuine when we were both different people. We just grew apart.

I'm happy to see that this isn't the case with Tristan (and a kind handful of others). We certainly have grown, changed, and we're on completely different routes on our life paths... but it doesn't seem to matter. Some of what makes us who we are transcends the details and here we are, still close. We have seen each other through deaths, break-ups, weddings, boredom, fabulous dinners, bad movies, moves between colleges, and, nowadays, studying for the bar exam. The test of time has had little to no effect on us.

I've learned from him to lighten up... he is one of the most intellectually brilliant people I know and yet he knows how to let his hair down and have a good time. I've learned to be more considerate, too... once, when we were younger, I selfishly monopolized a moment when he could have used a friend to talk to about the loss of someone significant. Due to our closeness, he was unafraid to call me out on it and I took better care with most people afterward to pay closer attention to how a person was feeling before unloading. I've also dared to believe I might be special since someone like him, who had gone through the silliness and aggravation we've imposed on one another, could be as good of friends as we are. I have a few self-image issues that encourage me to be as modest as possible... but he encourages me to allow for brief moments self-appreciation.

I hope he knows how highly I think of him...that he is very loved... and a cherished friend.