Do you know your neighbors? Okay, maybe you've said, "Hello," to the people next to you, under your apartment, etc. But, if you made too much spaghetti, would you invite them over to eat knowing they'd bring wine or cookies or bread or something?
I was thinking today about the part that actually makes me tear up in one of my favorite cartoons. Admittedly, a lot of odd, stupid things make me cry, but, in one animation particularly, a certain scene resonates with me on this personal level. People used to know their neighbors, ask about their kids, bring over extra vegetables from the garden, or invite you over if they know you're alone. In the animation, a little girl makes a big pot of gumbo and, after passing Daddy's taste test, they call out to their neighbors to come over and have some dinner on the back porch. The neighbors bring hush puppies and other things to contribute to the meal, and everyone shares this food together.
I vaguely remember this being a part of my childhood. I knew the neighbor kids, but, I wasn't really interested in playing outside, bookworm that I was. Still, we came to each others' birthday parties, played army dodge ball in the street, rode our bikes together, etc. The neighbor parents knew everyone's name, everyone's interests... I think some of them came to my plays now and again. We weren't close, but, there was a certain comfort, I would think, in sending your kid to the same bus stop early in the morning with Karen's kids or Connie's kids... People you knew.
But, nowadays, I don't know anyone. Not even the people underneath our apartment. They're an elderly couple that moved in about a month ago. We wave once in a while to each other, but, it's just not understood that someone should instigate introductions. I haven't known the past three occupants in that first level apartment. I have no idea who else is around me either. I know there are several kids in the neighborhood... I see them more and more running around outside as the weather warms... they all obviously live on my side of this complex. Still, if one of them was ever lost or injured, I'd have no idea who to call.
When I was in elementary school... probably 6 or 7 years old... I was supposed to get off at a bus stop that was not my regular stop. My grandmother was meant to pick me up, but, when I got off the bus, and the other kids walked off in separate directions to their homes, and I was alone.
Well, I was young, so, I sat down on the curb and cried.
A lady who lived in the house at the corner, where the bus dropped me off, came out and asked me what was wrong. She brought me into her kitchen, gave me a glass of lemonade, and looked up my parents in the phone book (no unlisted mobile phone numbers to confound her). At the time, I didn't realize I was two measly blocks away from home (I know, I know... why my parents didn't just let me off at the usual stop and have Grandmama pick me up from the house so she wouldn't have to get lost... I'll never know...). The lady held my hand, walked me towards my house, and just as we rounded Newman Drive, my grandmother came around the corner.
My mother didn't know this lady, but she knew our neighborhood. We all felt comfortable and safe with the sorts of people who lived there. Nowadays, we worry about so many things... from sex offenders to terrorists, we have lost trust in one another. I have never felt compelled to get to know my neighbors... I hear how they talk to their kids... hear the stuff their kids are too young to be discussing with one another... and I get the vibe that these people are generally unfriendly. I suppose that could just be my neighborhood, but I've seen relations in my parents' part of town deteriorate as well.
Some of the original residents of my parents' street moved away a while ago, especially as their kids grew up and went off to school or got married. I still remember learning that a registered sex offender had moved into PJ's old house. That person has since moved on, however, the damage is done, and now, not even the original neighbors seem interested in maintaining our old friendly, acquaintance. We're generally uninvited.
I don't think the one thorn in our rose bush is what killed our relationships... I could blame all sorts of things. My favorite, lame argument is cell phones and the internet. We're so busy staying "close" to our friends and family online that we seem to forget to interact with real people. I'm not entirely innocent. I text a bit... not as much as a teenager, but, I use that to ask about gatherings, send silly pictures, keep in touch, etc. I've never really enjoyed talking on the phone. If a major event is going on, I ask someone else to call vendors and get details straightened out.
At least I can deal with human beings when there's no getting around them. I wonder, with technology booming all around us, what today's generation of kids and teens know about interacting socially. I went to a store just a month or two ago... and the adolescent boy who was ringing up my purchases did not say a single word to me. Even when I said, "Hello," upon approaching the register, he said nothing. My very existence was the least significant aspect of our exchange. I know he's a kid at work, but at least a brief talk with a slight attitude problem could have been expected from my generation. I couldn't help but wonder what his MySpace page or whatever would feature... the more important representation of his character, perhaps. I'm speculating, and feeling bitter, but who wants to bet I'm guessing accurately?
But, maybe, rather than blame the questionable neighbors or Facebook, perhaps I should also include the general breakdown of social values. Even within my generation, I'm not sure how much time was spent in teaching us how to behave with other people. My mom taught me how to not embarrass her specifically, and my Daddy always seemed to think I laughed too loud, but, I don't recall the lesson about being respectful of elders, helping people who drop things, which fork to use, etc.
Didn't they teach these things in the 1950s? Wasn't there a class you had to take (at least for women) concerning the proper way to behave with other human beings? Didn't they encourage young women to make a pie for the new couple in the neighborhood? Teach young men how to dance, how to ask for a date, how to balance a check book? Didn't grandparents instill a sense of respect for older people? No rolling your eyes as they tell a story from their past? Was there ever the expectation that everyone deserves a kind word or a smile?
I know the world is a little scary. People have found numerous ways to prey off those who are still trusting and kind-hearted. We hear frightening stories too close for comfort... friends losing their lives to break-ins gone wrong, mothers mugged in broad daylight in front of their children, women being raped in the dark of the night in their own homes... There are plenty of convincing reasons we should just keep to ourselves...
...but, if I introduce myself to the elderly couple underneath my apartment, how much would that hurt me? If we attempted to get to know the relatively benign people around us, wouldn't that be power in numbers? Someone who would know you're the one screaming and call the police for you?
Things aren't ideal for the old neighborhoods of pie-making communities, but, I'd like to think that society is not so beyond repair that we can't reinvent the modern neighborhood and remember to be there for one another. Even among our friends, when was the last time you baked cookies for your friends' kids or brought over a movie and popcorn on a lonely night for one of your buddies? Email just isn't that warm and fuzzy, people. We have more intriguing gifts to offer... and receive.
Go to your brother's house. Or go see your next-to-closest friend. Say, "Hi- Need anything?"
You can do it.
