I've already shared my thoughts on "transitioning" to a vegan lifestyle. Considering a path of unconditional compassion towards living things led me into a spiritual reckoning. For some time I've had no spiritual outlet outside of practicing yoga. I've long had trouble connecting to the mainstream religions of my local community. Veganism took me down a route outside of what is readily available to me where I live.
I venture about 50 minutes away from home every Wednesday night to a Theravada Buddhist temple across the James River Bridge.
We begin by listening to the monks chant (well, I listen... I'm leaving learning Pali as a second language for retirement) for half an hour. I believe the text we use is wide spread among the other Buddhist sects. For the first time in a very long time, I'm not having trouble saying the words (in English) out loud. When I was growing up in the Lutheran church, if I came across something in a hymn, prayer, or creed which I could not honestly profess, I would not say it. There's only a word or two in our chanting text that I cannot say. The script is a call for thinking before you act, having gratitude for all your benefactors, and desiring peace and happiness for all sentient beings.
An hour and fifteen minutes of meditation follows the chanting. We are seated for thirty minutes, then we practice walking meditation for another half hour, and the last fifteen minutes are spent seated again. It's a nice long period of quiet exploration. I've been meditating every day, outside of services, for a minimum of 10 minutes since December 31st of last year. I've worked my way up to knowing I can sit and concentrate for at least forty minutes. I enjoy walking meditation for the same reasons I find yoga a wonderful mindfulness practice. By asking the mind to focus on one thing, the body can participate in clearing the mind (feels pretty good after sitting for forty minutes).
We have a fifteen minute break in which we gather in a lobby area for tea and snacks. I always bake something to offer the sangha. We're a small group, but, they're lovely people who have been very welcoming. I think this is the only aspect of church that I missed somewhat- knowing people on a weekly basis. Catching up in batches, genuinely caring for someone who is, for lack of a better word, like-minded. Most of these people have been practicing long before me, but, they are patient, kind, and gracious with my wonderings and questions.
We meet back in the meditation room for an hour Dharma Talk. You could think of this as the Buddhist sermon, but, it's much more interactive. It's more of a discussion. A monk offers his insight to our questions on any number of spiritual topics. Lately, we've been focusing on mindfulness for beginners (not entirely sure why... only two of us who come regularly are particularly new), but, I'm looking forward to seeing how we can broaden the discussion to outreach for the community, compassion for others. Buddhism can appear to be pretty self-centered... but, I follow the belief that we work towards bettering ourselves so that we might be fit to benefit the world.
My adventures in meditation have been sheer bliss. Even the days when I just can't get my head to shut-up, I'm always glad I sat down and tried. Fortunately, I'm not the only person in my sangha who struggles with this. A gentleman asked the monk a week or two ago how to stay calm, how to get there and stay there. The monk, straight-faced replied, "If always calm, no need to practice," to which we all, even our very serious monk, had a good laugh.
I often need something to recenter me at the first sound of the bell. I tend to actively follow my breath. I note in my mind the beginning of the inhale, the middle, the end, and then the breathless state between the beginning of the exhale, followed by the middle, and the end of the exhalation, then again to that breathless state before the next breath. A member of the temple told us that this is the sort of exercise the Lord Buddha was performing when he attained Enlightenment under the bodhi tree. I'm not enlightened, but, I'm working on it.
At some point, I can just soften my breath and feel the quiet. Either I ride the wave or I end up sifting through thoughts. The point is not to shoo those thoughts away... I interact with them like a third party observer. I see a feeling arise... discomfort, excitement, anger, bewilderment... and I ask myself what it is, how it got here, and how it can be set free. Typically, if I take that effort to address the feeling, I can come back to the quiet.
I've had a feeling for some time that an Eastern religion would resonate with me strongly, but, it wasn't until I did a little research that I could finally make that call. I read about the Mahayana Buddhists who believe strongly in the ahimsa statute, ("Do no harm"). They apply this to animals, therefor, they tend to be vegans. I don't have easy access to that sect of Buddhism around here, but, I listen to Thich Naht Hanh's Dharma Talks online to stay connected to a great teacher who holds this belief. I've also signed up to go and meditate at one of his monasteries while he's in the country for five days to celebrate my birthday this year (so I can leave my 20s in peace, thank you very much...).
What really sold me was the Buddha himself. The handful of Buddhist teachers I've come across agree on this: When the Buddha had decided to share what he learned after his enlightenment with others, he insisted, "Do not believe this because I have said it. Believe this if you find it to be true in your own experience." I'm not badgered into agreeing with some archaic rhetoric that makes no sense to me in my modern world. The truth is somewhere inside all of us- we just have to dig it out. I could get into a long, drawn out entry on this topic alone, but, that's not why I'm writing today.
In the time I've been away from the blog, I also participated in Kris Carr's 21 day detox and had a chance to meet her. On top of that, I met Colleen Patrick-Goudreau, the woman who inspired my vegan lifestyle. These two events not only sent a surge of reassurance and awe in me, but, it made me look at my health. I did not get into the vegan movement for health reasons, but, taking a closer look at my habits has changed everything. I regularly rise just after 7am and make time to meditate and read my devotionals (won't go into them today, among them is THE VEGAN'S DAILY COMPANION by Colleen Patrick-Goudreau). I drink fresh green juice everyday (thanks to David, really, who still gets up earlier than I do) and that makes more of a difference than I thought possible. Giving up dairy had already restored my energy, but green juice shoots it through the roof! I eat more raw food than I did in the beginning of my journey, but, I'm not exclusively raw.
I had to visit the doctor recently and she ordered some blood work on me (guess because I was a new patient). As much as I believe in my lifestyle, I was concerned that she would find some holes in my nutrition and lecture me about my eating habits. Instead, I was cleared as "the sort of person who will come to the office once a year." I'm not anemic, I have healthy organ function, no issues with cholesterol or diabetes, good levels of nutrients including calcium (milk is NOT necessary - greens are!), and there was some other gobbledygook I didn't understand, but, it was all good news! I was deficient in Vitamin D, but, most people are, especially in winter. I was sent home with the order to find a D supplement and that was it.
I've never thought of myself as a healthy person - FMS will fix a girl on any hopes for fitting into that category. I've been under the impression for the better part of 12 years that I'm a sick person who manages her symptoms. No one, certainly not a doctor, has accused me of being healthy since I was much younger.
My point is I've been snowballing, unexpectedly, into a beautiful life. From veganism to Buddhism to conscious healthy eating, I've become much closer to the person I've wanted to be, but always had a reason for finding her out of reach.
So, with all these updates in mind, it's Lent time again and I still plan on participating in the exercise. Diet won't be a place from which I can pull since I'm very conscious about balance there. I was somewhat frenzied last week thinking about what I could "give up" for 4o days and nights that would fit into my lifestyle.
I was reading my VEGAN'S DAILY COMPANION when I came across an entry on silence. I shook with joy, literally, while reading the passage. Colleen takes a day or two of silence to clear her mind out, to recenter, and she finds that she tends to be more measured when she speaks again. Less pointless complaining or chatter, more constructive talk.
I think I mentioned last year that what I really wanted to do was take some version of a vow of silence, but, I had a lot of skeptics in my midst that I chose to believe. My routine experiment didn't work out too well last year; I wanted to establish a regular morning regiment of getting up before 9am. Of course, now I know why that didn't work out, and there's a chance that this idea will snag, too, but, I'm going to try anyway.
I want to deepen my spiritual practice this Lent, so, I am going to pick a certain number of hours in which I will remain completely silent every day (two or three minimum, more on days when I can afford it without "bothering" the people or events around me... I'm not going to sit in a restaurant, for example, and write down what I want to say rather than talking!) This might take some getting used to... I'm one of those freaks who talks to herself on the walk to work from the car... and back... and on the drive home... I may also establish a morning routine that will fit every morning of my week. I work at weird moments here and there during the week, so, I can't make a perfect routine throughout each day. However, I think I can aim to sleep and rise at the same time and work through a specific routine: meditation, readings, writing in my meditation journal, setting my intention for the day, etc.
It's good to be back... to bring my liveliness into what I love, making my newness normal.
