Today's obviously special since my father-in-law is marrying this completely lovely lady today... what I'm finding funny, as I think about Joyce, is that I actually met her at my first big Jewish wedding.
I was naturally nervous at the prospect of meeting all these people... Joyce has three great kids and a very large family filled with characters and fabulous people. Still, it felt a little "Me versus the world," because there were just SO many of them. I mean, I thought my family was big, but this one is extensive and willing to travel to be close again. I still have relatives in Okinawa that I've never actually met... but these people have really stuck together.
Joyce was wearing this fantastic purple, two-piece formal with her hair up when we were introduced. I was pretty nervous and trying to take in all that was happening. It was her niece getting married (I had never met her before, but, after my father-in-law asked Joyce to marry him, I guess we were "mishpocheh") and I was witnessing the many parts of the Jewish wedding. There's the signing of the ketubah, some speeches and heckling, the tish, the actual ceremony, and then a lively reception kicking off with a horah (I'm still shuddering from being dragged into the line of dancers by a total stranger having absolutely no clue what the steps were... they were mocing so fast I only had time to run.
Joyce and I didn't really get a chance to connect... if anything, though she might not admit it, she might have thought I was a bit rude. She tried telling me about the ketubah during that portion of the ritual... it's a natural assumption that, since I'm not Jewish, I might not know the customs. However, not only did I have Jewish friends from high school and was better informed than some, I had just taken a survey Judaic Thought class in college. I sort of nodded nervously (I don't do well in crowds of people I don't know) and mentioned that I knew about the ketubah. As I told Anya when I came home that weekend, I feared I had ruined my chances for friendship with Joyce during that exchange. Following Anya's advice, I wrote Joyce a note telling her how good it was to meet her and that I looked forward to better chances for getting to know her...
And there have been many of those chances since then.
After that wedding, sometime in late summer, Joyce and Dr. Sella came to Virginia to visit us. On that trip, Joyce and I learned about all we had in common and meshed like old friends. Since that trip, it's been hard to imagine not having her and her family in my life. After a few more trips to meet people, spending time with the whole big family is almost as natural as sitting with my own. My hair's not totally down, but the clip is loose and strands fly in the wind without concern.
Joyce has asked me to sing during her reception and her band director has given me permission to do so. It's going to be a new experience... just like Joyce. You can look at this as a favor she's asked of me, but really, Joyce sizes up her loved ones and finds ways to include them most appropriately in all major family events. I might never have another chance to sing like this in front of people who may actually be listening with interest... with a real band no less! I sang with a four piece once and that was considerably different from singing with a piano (which is all I'm used to) or a high school orchestra. As usual, Joyce multi-tasks with the most love I've ever seen in one human being. She'll be erntained, but she's really giving me a chance to shimmer a little.
With a philosophy like hers, to bring out the best in people, one can imagine she has loads of friends... it's going to be a packed house tonight judging on the number of out-of-towners that came to the Rehearsal Dinner last night. You only come across a few gems like Joyce in life... people who take our their personal pride and care the most about you, how you're feeling, what you're all about... I've seen her listen, really listen, to the sorts of people for whom I'd just nod and smile. I hope I learn to love like her, to bring out everyone's inner light, and to not see it as a tax on myself to be this way.
I love you, Joyce. Good luck today!
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