It was the weekend of a family wedding and I was in New York. I had driven from Virginia on my own... pretty traumatizing experience actually. After a rough night recovering from my travels, I had an appointment before the wedding for a pedicure that David was kind enough to hunt down for me (I asked him to find a salon that didn't close up his lungs due to the fumes). I was feeling anxious... I get uncomfortable in large crowds of strangers and this was my first time meeting David's father's fiancé and her kids. I guess I felt I had a lot coming on all at once. I walked with David to the salon and then was asked to wait for Dorota.
A substantial dark haired woman with bright eyes and spectacles eventually came out and led me back to a room where one sits on elevated pillows while dipping the feet into a whirlpool of warm water. I almost reached for my magazine, but she was very warm and talkative. She and I exchanged knowing glances while listening to the privileged woman next to us complaining about her recent trip abroad, services, common people, etc. Once the woman left the room, Dorota and I fell into an open discussion about gratitude and life's gifts.
It was strange to feel so comfortable talking to a perfect stranger. We found mutual interests in healing touch, Reiki, chakra healing, and even astrology. She gave me some advice on remaining calm at the upcoming event or any other stress... just counted breathing. She said we have to remind ourselves to breathe sometimes... so when it's intense, we should breathe in through the nose on a long four count (whatever you use... hippotamuses or thousands or rock beetles) and then exhale for at least a long six count. The point is that the exhalation takes longer than the inhalation. Something about this practice helps slow a nervous heart beat and calm the mind.
I still had to muddle my way through some "incidences," but overall, that woman made the event worth suffering... don't misunderstand me. These are wonderful people... but so many at once causes some bewilderment for me.
Having that random encounter with a stranger who took the time to care about me, build me up, and chat with me without strain, well, I was so very grateful and touched. There was potential for me to wrap up in a wet quilt of despair after the stress of the ride, the hardships in trying to assimilate into a new group of people, and the tension of clearly being the odd girl out. I know now what "goy" really means... the traditional Jewish wedding was a new and almost alarming experience... I had not been warned how different it would be from a standard Christian wedding. There was "heckling" and loudness... things that stand for celebration and happiness in the Jewish tradition but would get you kicked out of church. I had simply had been dealt too many shocks to have survived the event without Dorota's kindness and "goodbye"embrace... the kind that makes you feel like you will be missed. I told her I'd be back in New York and would love to see her again and she smiled and told me that would be wonderful.
So, naturally, the next time I went to New York to help David move back home, I asked David to make me another appointment with Dorota.
I had flown that time and was feeling a little more comfortable getting around the city. On the day we planned to drive back, we took that walk again with a lighter load (I left my reading material behind since I would have the warm and welcoming Dorota to talk to...). I walked in alone and waited.
It might as well have been a total stranger. She was clearly stressed and pressed for time. She was curt and short. She didn't seem to remember me and I had no idea how to broach the subject with a woman I met once... much less this tense, flustered person before me...
It wasn't until she was painting that I brought up our conversation about breathing... she seemed to remember something about me by that point. "I'm sorry if you are disappointed," she sighed. "I'm not," I lied, " I just hope you're okay. You don't seem at all as you were when we met."
"Well..." she shrugged and looked me in the eye as if to say Listen up because you'll need to take this with you, "...sometimes we are different."
She said she was sending me positive energy and thanking me for reminding her to breathe ("I'll do that when you leave before my next appointment," she told me with the first smile of the whole two hours... I still use her technique today and think of her). I tried to send it back without judgment for her foul mood. She confessed that she had been overbooked that day and was feeling frustrated and physically run down. I shook her hand as I left.
I think this goes for most of us... sometimes we are different. May I learn the value of needing to conserve your "you-ness" sometimes as well as respect others who are recharging under the canopy of "being different today."
(On that note, thanks to Beth for being the one to make my weekend this week...)
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