There, she said out loud to no one, I plugged in the fan- as if that took insurmountable strength, every ounce of her concentration. Who did she think she was? Aren't there starving children in Africa? People without AC? Food? Parents? Where did she get off thinking of this as some sort of accomplishment?
The joy and curse of freedom for idleness... she couldn't figure out what else to do. She checked her empty email. She fed the dog. She played umpteen rounds of mahjong. She made faces at Pandora's attempt to understand her style in music as if someone could see her and correct the situation. She didn't Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down anything. She just sat. And sat.
An hour went by. Should she have found something to do by now? Cook? Why? It's too stinking hot to eat. Get some water? Her iced tea had melted and mellowed into lukewarm, greenish-gold fluid. She should finish it. Waste not, want not.The fan was whispering cool breezes against her toes. The damn fan had something to do on this hazy, summer afternoon.
She had excuses for everything. Couldn't start this project without this amount of time or before that other project was complete. Couldn't do that load of laundry until there were enough items in that color to justify a whole load. Wouldn't clean that section of the house if she was just going to have to do it next week when company arrived. Wasn't in the mood her book. Wasn't awake enough for a movie.
She blinked her eyes. Why had she bothered to put in contacts when no one was around to see her? Something inside her had a mission today, but, she still hadn't received confirmation from the mother voice in her head, or Gd, or the dog...
Her eyes closed. Maybe it will come to me if I take a nap- a prophetic dream revealing today's purpose to me. But, she wasn't tired enough to sleep. Her frustration was itching behind her eyelids, bloating in her belly. She could only blame Pandora for her irritation so much longer...
Another hour passed. She refused to believe she was lazy. She had run all her errands yesterday. Went to the grocery, turned in books at the library, made a loaf of bread, pulled out things she had been meaning to donate to free up space, replied to some email requests, agreed to cover a girl from work... she had been plenty busy, plenty productive. She wasn't just a waste of space. She just couldn't think of what to do with herself.
The phone rang.
It startled her. She looked at the Caller ID. Not her, she said out loud, perhaps to the dog who slumped on his right side and grunted sleepily in reply. She hit the Silence button to stop the ringing. A moment later, the doorbell sound she regretted having chosen as her Voicemail alert sounded urgently.
She looked at the phone. Its backlit face read:
VOICEMAIL
> Listen Now
>Listen Later
Great. More choices.
What the hell, she thought silently this time. It's not like I'm doing anything. She made her selection and opened her cell phone to activate the speaker mode:
Guess you're screening calls again. Look. Whatever. I just wanted you to know the results came back. It looks like everything's going to be fine. Talk to you when you feel like it.
Jesus.
Had she been that worried?
3 comments:
The high-stakes issue presented at the end brought sudden captivation and, at the same time, dismissal, with the reader following queues from the narrator. But the picture painted throughout, the character you developed, that was the jewel for me. It appears to be more an emotional venting than an effort borne of the desire to create. Yet, the result was effective, and I would say universally accessible, character. Nice work.
Thanks, Mr. J... I just needed to write, so, I guess it was more of a little exercise. I'm shamefully behind on posting, so, it was nice to hear your opinion, as always, to wake me up and remind me to get back to doing what I love. Been teaching a lot lately, and looking for a new place to live... I anxiously look to the time when I can rededicate my time to my writing.
You and me both. Oh, sweet writing, how I miss thee. On that topic, a few weeks ago, we moved from one Baltimore apartment to another, I was re-assigned to different newspapers at work, and then I was out of town for a week visiting family in Michigan. Last night, however, I filled 10 pages in my journal. What a joy to get back to it.
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