My brothers are 20

We all have this irritating urge to feel old when those younger than us approach certain life markers. I can still remember when I turned 20... or 18... or 25. People always jab your shoulder, chuckle, and ask, "SO... do ya fell any older?" I didn't have an answer to that question until I was 27.

My brothers are no different... and neither are our relatives. Most everyone can't resist telling them that they're two decades old. I'm not entirely innocent, but I did try to sit back and wander down memory lane... see if I could make a movie montage in my mind of their 20 years in my life.

I feel so lucky to be the older sibling. I have the chance to know them their entire lives... and, okay, I'm spared their knowing any embarrassing stories from my early childhood. Fortunately for them, I lacked any interest in them until they were able to construct thoughts into sentences (age four or five, I guess). When they were infants, all my goofy gal pals would come over and ask me if we could play with them, and I expressed genuine confusion. "Why?" I would ask. "They don't do anything..." Despite this somewhat selfish aspect of my preteen-hood, it works to my brothers' advantage. I don't have any horrid little stories about them peeing in the tub, or throwing up in their aunts' purse, or wearing puppy dog PJs.

Of course, I actually don't find that sort of teasing entertaining. I mean, fine- once in a while, we all like to poke at each other for saying silly things or fall into hysterics at the slapstick worthy trips and falls. But, when I look back, try to make the movie montage, all I remember is laughter and affection.

My brothers are among the very few people on the planet with whom I can be openly affectionate. We hug, we sit close on the couch, we lean upon one another in hallways, etc. There's no awkwardness. Together, we are almost the closest, rawest versions of ourselves that we ever could be. So, with that affection comes this comfort of saying whatever seems funny at the moment. We laugh at it all- funny voices, old, old, old inside jokes, our favorite childhood movies, little songs we sing at random, inappropriate moments (we still love singing all our memorable favorites such as the strange Lalala song from Nausicaa or Dr. Teeth singing about Cheesecake), etc. We might be the only people on the earth who find this stuff funny... and that makes it even funnier.

I don't love anyone in this world as I love my brothers. I am not one who believes in obligatory, familial love. I don't believe one must love a person just because she's our sister or he's our cousin. I do believe it's simple, that we simply love those we love because we love them, but that's not a feeling guaranteed to fall upon those to whom we're related. The fact that my brothers are as crucial to my happiness as they are, that they're as essential as the blood that runs through my veins... that was luck.

Happy Birthday, John and Clif... no one will ever love you like I do.