At dinner this evening, I think I was having a good conversation with the two other people at my table. They're both bright and engaging, so, chances are, we had a good talk.
The reason for my lack of assurance derives from the noise right behind my head. A table of five or six people sat back-to-back with our booth. Every few minutes, someone would laugh loudly- no, very loudly- directly into my ear. This naturally caused this person's dinner companions to laugh and chuckle. One guest had a particularly distinct laugh... it sounded like a long, loud, sucking-in of oxygen after having held one's breath for too long... it was impossible to ignore. Every so often, I'd hear cursing, loud opinions, seemingly intoxicated mumbling, etc. The restaurant was not crowded, so, all of us were included in the conversation at this table... whether we wanted to join or not.
You might think that this must have been a bunch of college students, but they were actually a group of middle aged parents.
It made me think of a time when Daddy would ask me with perfect, slow enunciation to keep my voice down in this restaurant we once frequented. My volume was, apparently, too high to be allowed... the way I laughed, swallowed, asked questions of people at the other end of the table, etc. Of course, I was about 12 at the time...
At the risk of sounding like Daddy, what has happened to this country's sense of common decency? I don't begrudge anyone a spontaneous, good time, but in a quiet restaurant, if you're dominating the other guests' conversations, that's just rude. When I was 12, and in trouble, my defense was my spirited nature. I wanted to be free and alive... and all that's fine. But, (again, I might sound like Daddy), there's a time and place for that. The other people in the restaurant don't want to know what movie you saw or for whom you voted or how terrible you are to your kids. Be free and crazy at the park, at home, at a noisy club, at a party...
When did we become so self-centered? So incapable of seeing anything or anyone past our own noses? We've taken it to a dangerous point... I'm noticing more and more people cutting off other motorists on the highway, not signaling, following too closely. How is it that even grown people think they're invincible?
I could be lazy and blame technology... or the 60s... or the internet. I could try to be more clever than that... I could try to not care about "the how" and see if I could start the movement towards correcting this trend of disintegrating social etiquette... I could worry about how much worse it's all going to get in the next few decades...
Instead, I'm going to think of at least 10 times in the past week or two that people surprised me and did something courteous:
1. I was turning into the shopping center to go to the bank. There's a four-way stop where I tend to be the one to allow all the people who ignore the "right of way rules" through the intersection before I cross my fingers and drive forward. For once, when it would have naturally been my turn, the person to my left waved me to go ahead.
2. During a visit with a friend of mine, her husband walked in from a long night at work while I was preparing to walk out. He had noticed my car had collected a thick sheet of frost due to the cold and picked up his windshield scraper. He cleaned the car off for me so I didn't have to sit and wait for the defroster to do its work... without my asking him to do it.
3. I often allow people into congested traffic. Most of them squeeze into line without so much as a glance in the rear view mirror for my consideration. Just the other week, I let in one of the top culprits of typical driving ingrates... a man in his 30s or 40s in a huge pickup truck. I sighed, made room to let him in, and he both waved and tapped his horn in thanks.
4. I was walking up to a store quite recently in the blustery, cold wind of this unpleasant winter. As I approached the door, a gentleman who was clearly in a rush burst through the door and almost ran into me. But, he looked up just in time, he stopped, backed up, and opened the door for me rather than running on by me.
5. There are at least two people who have written to me recently, despite the fact that I've yet to respond to recent emails or letters, just to check in, to ask how I am, or to send me something that reminded them of me.
6. I was in the grocery store on one of the nights when the whole city was out getting supplies in anticipation of the snow storm. I only needed a handful of things. Another shopper arrived at the same time as me to the back of the checkout line. After reviewing the small number of items in my hand basket, this person nodded and stepped back to allow me to go first into the line.
7. I have one morning class that I teach on the weekends. This class is tough on me. I'm not myself until after 11am... and, honestly, I tend to be pretty crabby when I walk into the studio. There is one teacher in particular who always smiles, asks how I am, and if I feel okay, no matter how grumpy I am, no matter if I just grunt or can't even look her in the eye. You'd think a morning glory like me would cause a person to leave me alone in the morning from now on, but this teacher chooses to be kind to me no matter what... I'll repay her someday, for her friendly consideration.
8. For my candlelit yoga class, I used to have trouble lighting the candles. All the lighters at the studio had just the smallest drop of fuel left in them. I struggled with lighters, even developed a tiny blister on my thumb. Finally, one client starting coming in early and to help me light the candles and, one night recently, she bought me a brand new lighter, just to be nice.
9. When I had that nasty stomach flu a couple weeks ago, Anya made some soup and a fresh loaf of raisin bread for me. She drove it all the way up to my place at the end of her own long day.
10. Rather than allow me to pay the price for picking the wrong shoes for moving around snow, David picked me up over a nasty pile of ice and cold and placed me safely in the car, dry feet and all.
Remember when people are kind to you better than you remember when people are jerks. It's better for your health, I'm sure.
Any recent displays of social grace in your lives?
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