I'm thinking of an older time... a time when my responsibilities included school and maybe some laundry. I spent most of my days with a boy, a boy who would stay in my life for a decade and help to shape many of the parts of me that would become permanent in my adulthood. When Christmas rolled around, we had a very busy day. Early morning with my mother, lunch with my step-father's mother, dinner with his mother, friends and coffee at moments in between, a late Christmas drink and a chance to play with new toys at the end of the day with my folks... it was a lot of driving, a lot of food, a lot of hugging and wishing for a good new year.
Frankly, I miss those days.
There was something magical about seeing so many people I cared about in one day. I saw my family, his family, my closest friends, and all of that with him, the person I loved most at the time. He hated Christmas... for the very reasons I loved it. He didn't like the driving, the back and forth, the visiting with so many people... but he humored me anyway... and there's something that was always magical about that willingness, too.
I like the idea of seeing as many of the people I love as I can. Without permission, if I could, I would see: Mom, Daddy, Johnah, Clif, Jaci, Corey, Marc, Paul, Jeanette, Judy, Paul, Kenny, Uncle Philip, Anne, Uncle John, Anya, Dennis, Lilia, Jude, Kat, my pen pal and her family, Tristan, Robin, Ada, Schuyler, Lucy, Stacy, Georgia, Jay, Beth, Johanna, Charley, Miles, Caro, Mike, Gandolf, Jude, Amy, Edie, Joanne, Meredith, Silvia, Claes, Erielle, Louis, Bruno, Joyce, Jerusha, Norah, Micah, Gabriel, Victor, Signora, Judy, Ron, Phil, Arlene, Melissa, Dan, Audrey, Ralph, Andy, Papa, Valeria, Dina, Grandma B, Grandpa B, Mike, Davie, Kerry, Kristen, Josh, Jacob, Diane, Tom, Doris, John, Lauren, Brian, Eric, Micheal, Lane, Mister Millionaire, Ginger, Jennifer, and Joe. That makes me lucky I suppose... that if there were no issues, no distances, no time-consuming obligations, I would want to take a whole day to make my way to all the doors of the people above... to say that I love you, wish the best for you, and carry you in my heart all the days of the year. It may seem that, with this many people, my heart would burst... but it seems to me that more space is created, more openness, more hope.
I'd like to think that this is the point. The love. The thing that connects you to other people. The inexplicable emotion that reminds you who it is that has made you who you are, that causes desire for contact, for knowing, for being outside of yourself. These are the people that you care to know all those specific, seemingly mundane things... How are you? No, really? Are you happy? Amused? Abused? Wishing like hell you were anywhere but here? I want to know... it has nothing to do with myself, but I want to know. I need to know. I need to be aware. To care about your life, your thoughts, your considerations, no matter what.
Yes, the gifts will remind many of us that many people know us, know what we like, take the time to ponder our interests. But, plenty of people full of adoration and influence don't have the knack for gift giving, for offering something to you that says more than they can on their own by their actions. Those people knew what you needed when you were ill, crazy, sad, etc... or the ones with the courage to be themselves so that you could also bring out your most authentic Self.
I'm not one of those people who can emphasize on the birth of Christ this time of year... but I do see the creation of love, tremendous love, all over the map of my existence, and I am grateful to look back, know where I've been, and see that, with all the ground covered, all the fellow travellers, I'm bound to make it wherever I'm going. The story of Jesus is one of the best love stories I've ever heard, truly, and that's why it's the love, rather than the man, that I am fortunate enough to drown in on this day... to have this point on the calendar that reminds me to think of all of you, to renew my love, to be glad to be me, to know you, to care that you're you when I'm me, and to be where I am.
Love one another. Be at peace. Be with those you love... in the heart if not the body, and know how lucky you are.
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