I've been immersed in reflection, thinking, and writing this week.
Monday, our journals were due for review in my writing class. Tuesday, the toppling of a sort of hero caused me to relive my experience of meeting my favorite musician. Wednesday, I met with a fellow-writer publishing a book early next year who lit a fire under me to complete my most personal writing project. Thursday, I met with three good friends (separately) to catch up and discuss what's going on in our lives and then I posed as the model for my boss's Beginner's Yoga Course. Friday, I taught two classes, had dinner with another good friend, and, for some reason, finally became angry about something violating and terrible that happened to me nearly ten years ago. Saturday, I taught my morning class, had an interesting movie theater experience, and schemed a way to get Anya out of the house...
I just don't have room for any other thoughts. This week has been good, but somewhat overwhelming at the same time. After being sick for a little while, I dove full force into a more active, more emotional week. I've dealt with the whole range of great disappointment, to great relief, to comforting friendship, to maddening frustration, to fulfillment, to upset, to rage, to acceptance, to annoyance, to hope, to heartbreaking realization. It's just a little too much with which my brain has been asked to keep up.
I'm looking forward to Tuesday. Why Tuesday? I have absolutely nothing to do on Tuesday. I will probably do a little creative work and go to class, but those are activities for me, about me, and less about being deep or thoughtful. I'll be able to casually do the artwork portion of my journal for class and watch some pointless TV (well, not totally pointless... Anya has lent me a few intriguing movies).
I like my empty days. I'm probably pretty spoiled to have them at all, but my weekend is really Tuesday and Wednesday. So, my freest time occurs while everyone else is at work. A normal weekend is full of plans with the family, friends, catching up with assignments, going out, etc. My weekends are also like that, but I work, too, in between the free time of everyone else.
I savor my days to "watch the dust settle..." which reminds me of one of my favorite Fraggle Rock episodes. Boober just wants to have a "nice, quiet day." He has his cup of tea, he sits in his favorite chair, and he allows himself to drift off to sleep. Unfortunately, his "other side" comes out to play. Boober calls his fun-loving, wild side Side-Bottom. Side-Bottom convinces Boober to lie to a handful of friends asking for favors in order to secure his nice quiet day. Side-Bottom is looking for mischief while Boober wants his peace and silence. They both get what they want in the end...
...and even though I don't have a whole other person that steps out of me and talks me into doing anything, I feel that the silence of my Tuesdays lends for some of my best adventures. Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, I can sink into my thoughts, dreams, wishes, etc., and enjoy the fantastical rush. I think about wishes I might have made on stars that I had seen... I try to always wish on stars, just in case I guess, but sometimes there's nothing in that moment that I feel I need luck accomplishing. That's when I try to wish for someone else. I send plenty of wishes when it's quiet around here and I can think clearly. I can elaborate on dreams I wish I could remember... especially if I'm missing someone. I'll go back to that person, have a new conversation, a new agreement, and go somewhere we either made our own or someplace altogether different.
I can clarify my wondering without distraction. I can sit in the living room, cat on my lap and my books and journals surrounding me, and for once hear myself. With no one watching me, no one to be for anyone, nothing to do but be with myself, I have the safety and space to really evaluate anything that troubles or puzzles me.
I crave the serenity of the blankest day on my agenda...
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