Wednesday Valuables: Beautiful Coincidences

As I have said before, I do not believe in obligatory, familial love. You know how in movies, in books, in your living room, you hear someone say, "Well, she's my [insert relevant relation], so, I love her and everything... but she's such a jerk..." or something of that nature? That just doesn't sound like love to me. There's plenty of room for a sort of... respect or affection, I guess... for people who have been in your life for a long period of time. But, honest "I like this kid" sort of emotion only exists if it does.

I'm thinking of this in light of an outing I have planned tomorrow night with my cousins. Our friendship is an example of one of my life's most gorgeous accidents. I have genuine feelings for them... we might not have purposefully hung out had we gone to the same high schools at the same time as strangers, but we seem to come together once in a while just to be together as though that had in fact been the case. Our parents don't hound us, our aunts and uncles don't drop us any hints. We just like to be together.

I remember one time I agreed to go to a hockey game to be with my cousins. For those of you who know as little about hockey as I did walking in... my cousins might be the only people who would not have to drag me with a team of horses to a game in the future. I was not in my seat for more than five minutes before a fight broke out on the ice. The stadium even has this "theme music" that they jam through the speakers every time one of these fist fights breaks out. I felt my IQ dropping just sitting there... and I was tempted to wait outside the stadium and pummel this idiot with a blow horn who seemed to feel he needed to blow it as often as the ice shaved under the players' skates.

But, for my cousins, I went. Corey got me a beer to smooth my nerves and Jaci and I rolled our eyes together during the adolescent punching sessions. Marc was kind enough to buy my ticket and drive us there. Whatever we do, we make a point to see each other whenever we're all in the same place.


This is not always as easy as that sounds. Corey is a marine biologist who drifts off to Florida for research projects every so often. Marc is in the Marines and currently takes classes at OSU. Jaci has been in Scotland for the past year doing administrative work. I'm the only one who hasn't left town since 2003... and even that was just one year... in Richmond, Virginia.


I won't say that there isn't something about being members of our family that drew us to be friends outside of our obligations. We have watched our parents interact, accounted for who is "always late," "always loud," "always rude," "always generous," etc. We know who our black sheep are and why. We hid Easter eggs from each other while talking about things we didn't want to discuss in front of the adults (they weren't looking since we were being cute and searching for those stupid, neon plastic eggs). We brought our dates casually into family get-togethers to see who could handle this group.

I've had the rare opportunity to have plenty of one-on-one time with all my cousins. We've gone to movies, coffee, had each other over for a beer or a chat, etc. Jaci is my most trusted babysitter for my cat and, in many ways, the little sister I never had the chance to have. Marc and I like to go to the ballgames together and share honesty. Corey and I are the "liberals" in the group (before you get excited, I'm not attached to that label... I'm a conservative liberal, if anything, and not devoutly so because politics depresses me for the human race... like hockey...) and we laugh at the same ignorant comments made by anybody.


I'm just so very excited about tomorrow night. We're all going to see the Tides play. Now, no one goes as a Tides fan because the team's any good. I think I have yet, in the nearly 7 or 8 years I've been going to this ballpark, to see those guys win a game. No one cares. You root for them anyway. You get your hot dog or peanuts and a beer and just enjoy the weather, the sport, the company. The four of us haven't been together in over a year since Jaci left for Scotland... there are other cousins, but the four of us, I'll be confidently presumptuous and say, are friends. I would call any of them if I really needed to for any reason at 3AM... which is saying a lot since I don't really call on anyone for help (I'm stubborn that way).

I don't see steadily into the future about most things, but I'm willing to bet, so long as they don't all marry a bunch of insecure control freaks, that we'll be friends for a very long time... the kind that can actually live up to the platitudes of real friends remaining so no matter how much time passes between meetings. We've got the history, respect, and love to stick together.

I'm just so fortunate for this beautiful coincidence. We don't choose our family... just our friends.