We've all heard that the Inuit people have some unthinkable number of words for "white" since they've constantly covered in snow. I was also told by my French friend that in her native tongue, there are several words for types of affection. I had trouble thinking of what that could mean until I paid more attention to her kisses for her five year old, the way she stroked her newborn's head, the playful fighting and tugging in which she and her husband participated, and even the casual, European cheek kisses I was offered including a hand to the shoulder or squeeze of the arm.
Today, as I consider another Valentines' Day, I wonder if we're missing words for different types of love. I used to believe the same were true for the French. (Here's a brief story for Beth) I sipped at a beer in Montmartre's Deux Moulins as an obnoxiously well-dressed Frenchman eyed me over the pages of his journal. After completing an entry (and, I assume, noticing that I, too, had a journal in which I was scribbling) he walked over to my table and began rattling very quickly in French. The fact that he assumed I was another Parisian had nothing to do with anything other than my French friend's careful inspection of my wardrobe before arriving. My French was better than some, but we sorted out quickly that it was not on par with his English.
We changed locations away from the tourist traps and had another beer together. Our discussion led to a walk around this picturesque part of Paris when I asked him about the verb "aimer."
"It's the same for 'like' and 'love' which confuses me... how can one know what a person actually means? Can I not say 'J'aime la voiture?'"
"Yes, of course you can."
"Then what makes 'Je t'aime' and 'Je t'aime' any different? How can I tell someone I like that it's just that and someone I love deeply that I'm crazy about him? Should I tell him 'Je t'adore' in addition to 'Je t'aime' to make my point?"
He preceded to explain that the difference was all in the delivery of the phrase. His first "Je t'aime" sounded a little like our "Hey! What's up?" His second "Je t'aime" sounded more like the syrupy sweet words of a Byron poem... you could feel it in the pit of your stomach and squeezing at your unmentionable, unfathomable places... which, like Paris, is more passionately sexual than simultaneously simple and deep.
As most people know, the Greeks were on to this dilemma of having an accurate word for how we love one another. They provided eros (passionate, sensual love), philia (the love within friendship), agapé (a general love for people and things), and storge (to describe parental love for a child). I would like to believe that the more words one has to express one's feelings, the harder it would be for anyone to feel mistaken or confused.
Obviously we find ways to express our feelings in American English. We've evolved (or regressed depending on your opinion) from the black and white film stars whining about "we're not meant to be," or coyly saying, "Here's lookin' at you, kid," to "I just don't Love you love you... I love you like a brother/sister." We've moved on to the point where we can title new books and movies "He's just not that into you," and get the gist of what that means.
I believe in the power of language and that English has no more emotionally charged phrase than "I love you," though we've allowed it to mean so much more or so little depending on how we throw it around. "I just LOVE your outfit," has spoiled it a little along with "I just LOVE that Hugh Jackman guy," or "Sure, I love you..."
I'm not complaining out of a lack of guilt... I most certainly have said idiotic things like "I just LOVE Frasier." Perhaps I want to preserve the electricity of the phrase as best I can by thinking of other ways express my tastes in entertainment or to tell people how I love them. I feel like I can love a friend as intensely as a brother or a lover... it just belongs in its philia category. I love my brothers like there's no tomorrow and that's easy for people to grasp and understand. I love my friends as though they were family but with a special quality because I chose them rather than learned all throughout childhood that I was stuck with them. I love my husband (another word for which I wish I had options... everyone gets to use the words "husband and wife" but no one gets him or me other than us) as only I could love him. But, I also love people I have known, people that have touched my life in ways that extend beyond comfortable, boxed-in categories. I suppose they are like friends, but more like gurus or kindred spirits or soul friends or something...
My hope for this Valentines' Day is to search for the right words for everyone.
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